It’s been more than 6 months since I put a finger to the website or blog. Last year just kicked my a$$ in so many ways; I needed to step further back. I needed to forget about this space and turn my full focus inward. The choices from 2021 that destroyed me (and what feels like my soul) are still far from fixed, let alone relieved of. I am still cleaning up the messes to this day. The fact that putting trust in the wrong person or people could do this much damage to me, and people I care about, is not something you heal from easily or quickly.
One of my many mental health diagnoses is Borderline Personality Disorder. Most of us cringe at the name, but it basically means that we struggle with managing our emotions. There are many “hallmarks” to this diagnosis, one of which is lack of trust for others. Another is that we struggle greatly with interpersonal relationships. Both of these are firmly true for me, meaning that what happened in 2021 was extremely traumatic for reasons that have nothing to do with the murders in Uptown. Simply: I placed all of my trust in another individual (or individuals), as well as investments of time and money, and I was betrayed. I lost everything, including my mental well being.
So, I’ve thrown myself into myself. This summer I have an epic adventure planned that’s all about bringing myself peace, healing, and showing myself I can in fact do anything I set my mind to. I’m calling it The Summer of Bada$$ery! I’ve already had a blast trying ax throwing for the first time, and next comes some serious adventures! Follow along as I prepare to thru hike the over 300 miles of the Superior Hiking Trail, along the North Shore of Lake Superior, from the Minnesota/Wisconsin border to Canada! I am training as much as my mind, body, and schedule will allow. I am about to head up for a week to train on one of the hardest sections of trail to test myself and my gear.
When I’m out there, alone with the silence of nature, I feel my soul come alive. I am fully self-reliant on what I carry with me on my back and the knowledge in my brain. After living a life filled with trauma from people trying to control my every choice and word, I am in control. I make the choices what to eat, which site to camp at, when to sleep, how far to hike, when to rest, and, heck, when to cry! I get to be me, in my simplest form, unapologetically.
So stay tuned for all of my on and off-trail antics this summer. I know it will be a blast!